Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I seem to have left my pride at pride
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
