I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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