It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
