Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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