i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
