And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize