Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize
