We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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