The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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