Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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