you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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