Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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