do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
