We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she peed on how many people?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
