I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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