just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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