I should be sponsored by Trojan
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
