I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
