Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
