Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
