The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
