She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
