we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
