So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize