Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
