I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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