Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize