I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
