im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
