it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
