I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
