youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
