I want to stick my p in your. b.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize