The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
