I hate all girls vehemently.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
