My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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