i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
