Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
