OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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