TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
