She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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