my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
