There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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