Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
