he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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