Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
