worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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