Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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