32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Another day, another engagement, another cat
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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