So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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