My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
