Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
