Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
