That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
