ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
