I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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