i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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