Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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