So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
