Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
