Don't make out with my wife yet
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
