I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
