he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
