He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
