Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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