the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
