OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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